You have a small child in your house if you . . .

This is a personal list compiled from the experiences I’ve had with my children.

You have a small child in the house if you:

- step over the pots and pans spread over the floor and which you had just put back in the cabinet five minutes prior

- have to hop over a gate at the bottom and/or top of your stairs

- have a child safety lock on every floor cabinet in the house

- put your chairs on top of the table instead of tucked underneath

- your blinds look as if they’d just been dragged through the street (assuming you have any  blinds left)

- have taken the knobs off your oven/stove, placing them in a makeshift container on the counter

- have to store away the coffee table for a time

- put your Christmas ornaments on the top half of the tree only

- vacuum your floor at least once a day (and sometimes more) to get all the Cheerios, crumbs and other spills from underfoot - or just say, “forget it, I have more pressing matters like laundry, dishes, helping with homework, fixing stuff, going to the store, preparing meals . . .”

- keep recharging the dust buster for all those little spills

- place a barricade around your computer desk or have to put the keyboard and mouse on a shelf higher than the desk

- drape blankets or towels over the book shelves (out of sight, out of mind)

- keep the bathroom door shut, even when unoccupied

- have to re-roll the toilet paper when you forget to close the bathroom door

- have to clean up the toilet water from the toilet seat and floor when you forget to close the bathroom door

- have to wash and sanitize your child’s hands after he/she has played in the toilet water when you forgot to close the bathroom door

- have sanitation available in every room of the house

- continually tell your other kids to “HUSH!” so your infant/toddler won’t wake from his/her nap too soon thus shortening your time to finally get the laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking and everything else done

- take five hours to watch a two-hour movie

- wake up several times a night to make sure your child is covered

- wake up several times a night to put a restless child back to sleep

- wake up several times a night wondering why your child is sleeping so well

- keep a large supply of plastic grocery bags on hand for those soiled and smelly diapers

- consider a trip to the grocery store without your child a relaxing vacation

- frequently stick your finger in your child’s mouth to check if the item he/she found on the floor is edible or not - if edible, you let it ride

- occasionally find that missing bottle or “sippy” cup with less than fresh juice or milk in it, causing you to either soak it in bleach or simply throw the container out and buy a new one

- have become proficient at doing chores with one hand while holding your child in the other

- you don’t bother folding the laundry anymore because your neat little piles will invariably be destroyed within seconds anyway

- find that the folds in your vehicle’s seats contain more Cheerios than the cereal isle at the grocery store

- feel a little abandoned if there aren’t tiny hands tugging at your pants

- feel like pulling your hair out at your child’s tantrum, but then steal a kiss on his/her soft cheek when he/she finally falls asleep in your arms